Sunday July 23rd, 2017
I came across my first opportunity to try Ayahuasca. I found the ceremony on Meetup.com. It was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up, Ayahuasca right in the convenience of Downtown Los Angeles, no need to travel to Peru. I had heard about Ayahuasca and DMT from the Spirit Molecule on Netflix. I was very excited and somewhat scared at the same time. However, I took a leap of faith and committed myself to go through with it. So I signed up for the ceremony on that upcoming Friday.
Friday July 28th, 2017 8PM
I packed my sleeping bag and pillow, got in the car, and headed to the ceremony. On the way there, I thought to myself, “I’ve lived a good life, if I die, I die. My life is in the hands of the universe now.” That was my attitude, to surrender and just flow with it, “No turning back.” I arrived outside the studio. It was in a ghetto part of East LA. I drove into an alley and found the address. The venue was behind some heavy black gates. To be honest, it looked pretty sketchy.
There was a guy outside, John, who I later learned was the assistant, escorted me into the studio and introduced me to the shaman. The shaman was Asian, bald, with tattoos, and piercings. I was a tad timid because the place didn’t really seem trustworthy and the shaman looked like an Asian gangster. Although, I did begin feel a bit more at ease seeing all the Buddhist statues and canvases. After handing the shaman a hundred fifty dollars, he gave me a dose in a shot cup, blessed it, and told me to drink up, mentioning it takes a while to kick in. Slightly hesitant, I downed what looked like mud in a dixie shot cup. It was disgusting. The medicine tasted like herbs and was very earthy, a lot like Chinese medicine my grandma used to make me drink. I proceeded to setup my sleeping bag and pillow in the right corner. This was my spot where I’d begin to embark on a journey that I’d never forget.
Participants that night: Jarvis (the shaman in his late 30s), John (his assistant, ex-marine in his late 30s), May (girl from Beijing in her early 30s), Paulo (from Colombia), and Flor (Hispanic woman in her late 30s).
We started off with the shaman giving us a brief orientation with some basic Q&A. Then he hit the lights and the music commenced. The shaman began playing Icaros, which I later got to know as traditional Ayahuasca folk music played in Peru. He began playing the drums and whistling along with the music. So we all laid there in darkness, in anticipation to meet Mother Aya. About 30 minutes in, closed eye visuals began forming. Fractals, lines, colors, and kaleidoscope like images were all over my mind. Then images of people began to form. Colorful impressions of these characters, male and female, who I would later coin as “cool dudes/dudettes”. They would later be a reoccurring theme in my subsequent 3rd-4th trips. These “cool dudes and girls” weren’t exactly entities, but I believe they were the psychedelic’s way of communicating with me in human form. I’ve encountered very similar closed eye visuals during my mushroom trips. These characters wore hats, shades, and had beards. They interacted with me non verbally and there were many of them, offering me drinks, pointing and directing me to look at things, smiling, laughing, frowning, dancing and making all sorts of gestures and faces, a lot like a mime. It was relatively chaotic in this inner world and quite difficult to describe.
In the outer world, subtle light rainbow colors began to fill the darkness of the room. There was a plastic tree (which was flowing and pulsing) in the middle of the room with carpets and rugs all around it (there was one fake tiger skin rug). For whatever reason, a strange thought/feeling occurred to me. I noticed the females were posted against one wall and the males against another. I thought the whole setup was meant to simulate a primal Adam and Eve scenario where the tree was to lure the male and female participants towards the center to begin to “mingle” and participate in some kind of orgy. I recall thinking to myself, I better not if this does happen. It would be bad practice and not safe, so I thought I’ll keep to myself. Later as it turned out, I was way wrong, the ceremony was far from anything like that.
A side from that, as I phased in and out of the inner chaotic world, I felt like my blue sleeping bag was a cloud and I was a child cradled in the center of it surrounded by love, bliss, and warmth. There was a feeling of a very feminine energy. I was in this state for quite a while and completely lost sense of time. Then suddenly, I snapped out of this state and realized I’ve been out of commission for a long time, completely having lost track of my surroundings. I quickly got nervous and cautious thinking I may have been drugged and robbed. I gathered my wallet and belongings and attempted to put on my shoes. It was really difficult figuring out my left and right shoe in this disoriented state I was in. I managed to get it on and proceeded to head towards the door thinking I need to get out of here. I approached Jon and Jarvis, saw that the exit was blocked with a large fan and asked them “How do I get out, where’s the exit?!” Sitting in front blocking the doorway, they looked at me confused and said there’s “no exit” and so I replied asking to use the restroom thinking I would gather myself in there and find a way out. I was beginning to panic thinking I got duped by criminals.
So I went in the restroom washed up, and crept out the other side of the studio. Looking outside the see-through gated studio doors, I notice a man outside who seemed like he was guarding the parking lot. I thought to myself “Oh shit, he’s blocking the exit too.” I mustered up to courage to open the door to get to my car. When I stepped out, I realized it was Paulo, not some thug. He seemed to be downtrodden and having a bad trip. I looked out the parking lot and saw that the black gates have sealed off the lot. I was like damn, they trapped us in. I thought Paulo had found himself in the same predicament I was in, hence he was upset. So I said to him, “Oh man, they got you too?”. He didn’t respond. So I sat outside feeling stuck in this dream world. It was very confusing and disorienting. I felt like I was lost, forever trapped in this dream space and that there was no way back to reality. Some kind of infinite loop where I was doomed for eternity. The moon and the stars looked very ethereal and the night’s sky looked very cosmic. The gate and fencing around the parking lot was pulsing and alive. At this point, I was pretty concerned about my being and began to regret this decision of coming here.
Not too long after, John stepped out to check in on me. Apparently Jarvis asked him to see if I was doing okay. As John started talking to me and asking about my trip and explaining its effects, I started to realize, I was not being robbed. I started to actually trust him and was able to calm down. I noticed the effects of Ayahuasca on me made his face was blurred and I couldn’t make out his face. As he was speaking to me, I understood him listening to his stories, but I found it very difficult to speak. I was quite confused still, but found a lot of what he was saying profound. After a lengthy conversation, I started to feel really nauseous and began salivating and slightly gagging where I was sitting. A good amount of saliva came out onto the concrete and it looked like a black hole on the floor in between my legs. Jarvis had stepped out by this time. Both Jarvis and John explained to me that I’m going to go through the Ayahuasca purge soon, and that it’s coming. It was a whole new concept to me that I was not aware of prior to the journey. I did not read about this in my research prior to the event. The “purge” is when you essentially puke out the negative contents, emotional baggage, and toxins in your body. Or simply, to be realistic, your body rejecting the medicine. And then it came unexpectedly, I ran into the toilet and puked my guts out like I’ve never puked before. It was a deep puking from my guts and the taste of the brew coming up was not pleasant. A lot of acidic liquid came out, plus last night’s dinner, kidding. As soon as I was done, I needed to purge the other direction as well. As I sat there, contents deep in my gut started pouring out. It was primarily gas and liquid. It's definitely not easy on the stomach. In that restroom, I recall staring down the garbage bin. Initially, among the trash and toilet paper I saw maggots in my hallucination. But as I peered deeper into the bin, the toilet paper started to look like beautiful white magnolias, a whole black and white universe in a trash bin sitting between my legs. I came to realize that there was beauty everywhere in the universe, just depending on how you look at it. After I was done, I was no longer nauseous and extremely relieved. I felt quite like a champ and my confidence was soaring. My body felt a lot lighter than before.
I went back to lay down and started sobering up and was back to reality trying to process it all. After sometime and having recuperated, I went to have a chat with Jarvis about my experience. He then asked if I wanted another dose. At first I was hesitant and said no, I’m good. Implying what I went through was good already and was a good first time experience. But then he asked if I encountered the divine yet and asked if I was afraid to take another dose. I mentioned no, I haven’t experienced the divine. He told me to trust him, and suggested I take a 2nd medium sized dose, and so I complied.
11PM – The 2nd Dose
This second dose kicked in very fast as I laid there. This time the inner world was even more chaotic and disturbing than before and since the first dose was still in my system, there was a compounded effect. It is extremely difficult to describe that inner world. I was in a very delirious state. The music playing in the background (Deva Premal – Gayatri Mantra) also gave a very strange spiritual feeling. I saw rooms and worlds that had black and white paint melting. There were all kinds of characters and colors all over the place. The visuals were in high definition and crystal clear, like 4K quality TV. A lot of my daily thoughts, psyche, and subconscious started to surface and were all jumbled together. I remembered to focus on my breathing from meditation practice, but it was difficult not being caught up in the chaos. I was still able to hear and identify with my inner voice, my ego, that kept me sane. During the trip I had a form of communication from Mother Aya showing me to stop spending so much time following-up on politics and that there is more to life than to waste time on current events and news. I also saw lustful images of girls and body parts that men are naturally attracted to. It was pure chaos and hard to comprehend.
At one point late in the trip, the messages she was showing began to get more meaningful. Mother Aya began showing me the circle of life and death. She showed me birth, childhood, growing up, growing old, and then death. With each iteration of her showing me this process, she encouraged me to die, which I initially kept resisting out of fear. She was showing me that I’ve gone through this cycle many, many times before. I believe it may have been the 6th iteration where she finally forced it upon me. As I laid there, I felt my neck snap and head droop over with my mouth open and tongue hanging out. I started to die and was simulating a very ugly death. At this point, I completely surrendered to death then Mother Aya suddenly completely overtook me. My mouth began expanding wider and wider as if I were swallowing myself whole from the inside out. And the sound of “OM” burst forth and began emanating from inside of me with vibrations and divine white light pouring out of my mouth, completely over taking my consciousness. I, the person I knew myself to be, was completely evaporated by the vibrations and the pervading divine white light completely overtook my being, my body, my mind.
This white light sure was something. I’ve experienced this light in the past during the onset of a few dreams. Since then, I've had the ability to lucid dream and astral project. So I’ve encountered this before and have learned to surrender to it. But oh man, after this freak incident, it was followed by love, bliss, and pure ecstasy. I was so happy, euphoric, and felt so blessed and grateful. I had gone through the death process and have come back alive. This lesson would help me in the future death experiences I’ve encountered in dreams and on Ayahuasca, and hopefully when I ultimately rest in peace. The ability to surrender and let go. So I continued to lay there basking in that divine experience until I started to sober up. In the center of the studio, I saw the girl May bowing humbly in prayer and submission to some candles. I proceeded to do the same towards a poster of the Buddha in front of me. This was the first time I’ve ever bowed in my life. Bowing, is the act of surrendering and acknowledging that there is some force greater than yourself and that you relinquish your control to a higher power. An understanding, that your intellect, is merely a subset of a higher one beyond what you can conceive.
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| Actual poster from the studio. |
As I started to sober up, I began to feel conviction and resolve. A renewed sense of purpose was found and acknowledgement that I’m on the right path which has led me to this life changing event, this moment. It was such a profound experience. Truly enlightening with many “aha” moments, epiphanies, wisdom, and insight. Everything was energy, alive, and vibratory. Not to mention the cool visuals that make you really question physical reality and to see the beauty of it even in the bottom of a trash bin.
To this day, Jarvis still makes fun of me about my misconception of being robbed and the whole Adam and Eve impression. It just shows you, the mind cannot be trusted, we don’t always see things as they are.
Would I do Ayahuasca again? You bet I would.
P.S. At some point during my first dose, I attempted to read a spiritual book I had brought, written by Sufi master Rumi. Guess what, the text was completely scrambled and unreadable. It looked like fuzzy scripture. Apparently Ayahuasca hyper activates your right mind and downplays your left mind, the linguistic center. Hence I lost the ability to read. But instead, I felt the aliveness of the book, it was more pronounced as a 3D object that I could perceive.
https://www.meetup.com/AyahuascaDTLA/events/241928739/
