Ayahuasca Journey 9: My Letter to Matt on Cosmic Consciousness

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Hi Matt,

Just wanted to reach out to you regarding your experience mentioned in your blog.

http://mattbelair.com/ayahuasca-a-dip-into-the-stream-of-cosmic-consciousness/

I've had the same experience as you. I've done Ayahuasca up to 9x now. 1st trip being initiation and ego death. 2nd trip being my first glimpse of the cosmic consciousness where I had flash of it and my awareness expanded and then it dissipated. 3rd trip, again I had a flash of cosmic consciousness but this time it fully kicked in and I was abiding in that state for the duration of my trip (about three to four hours). Although like you said, time is not really a concept in this realm. In this state, I felt like a massive ball of energy. Sphere like in the domain of consciousness.

I walked as if I were a spirit, no longer feeling the weight of my body. I felt like a massive being, larger than my usual self. Things were visibly separate within, but knowingly part of the whole and part of my sphere. The space between separation felt like it had some sort of invisible tangible quality. There were pixels and sparkles everywhere within empty space, like a matrix. Some cosmic field that's part of the illusion. As you mentioned, this 4th dimension is something our mind normally does not perceive.  Everything was high def 1080P, not even, more like 4K TV. All formations of objects were perfect without flaws. There exist within the field, various colors that ranged from indigo to green or at times crystal clear.  A part of this, was a deep feeling and knowing, that I am the creator and everything in my field of consciousness was created by me with the utmost detail for the sake of experience among the multitudes of other experiences. Not knowing how or why (most likely a limitation of human experience and intelligence), but like you said, a feeling and perception that I've been here before, more like I've always been here, and have been for eternity. This is a simple fundamental truth. I felt immensely powerful, focused, highly confident, and fully sure of myself. I couldn't help but expand my body and flex my arms as Mother Ayahuasca was expressing herself through me. She was surging her energy through my very being. I would have loud random outbursts of "OMs" that would completely overtake my body with vibrations pouring out of my mouth directly from my gut (solar plexus). Like you, I'm also a Chan practitioner, and somehow, the hours sitting in full lotus meditation has built up a lot of energy in my body.

In my brain, I would have a feeling of union between the left and right hemispheres. I would have pinnacle or peak experiences where I felt my brain was melding or merging into one sphere. I'd feel brain vibrations and see divine yellow and white lights as these moments kicked in and erupted into braingasms.

4th trip I would feel the same. 5th trip I did not. 6th trip once again, I would experience the same. Mother Aya channeling her life force through me, showing me Cosmic Consciousness, Shiva Being, God Mode.

7th trip it was there, but by far more subtle. In this 4th dimension, I encountered a cosmic entity, but I will not get into that, as we both know, they are still part of the one. 8th trip was interesting. I saw quite a few cosmic entities and also watched my body die. When I saw death dawn upon me, I realized my being continued to persist and was still aware and existing. I was the Eternal Timeless Being, the Self. Again this was cosmic consciousness but in a much subtler form, but deeper in meaning. I wasn't all puffed up like a ball bellowing vibrations out of my mouth. Although, I thought this one experience would last into sobriety but it never did. However, the teaching and understanding is still there.

Just today, I had my 9th trip and it was everything as I described in my 3rd in the longer paragraph above. Only this time, the sphere of consciousness felt way more prominent and that empty space within the field, like you said is not even really empty. You can perceive the substance although it can't really be seen, touched, smelled, or heard, but it is known by your very being. I was able to visualize mental images normally depicted in the mind's eye projected out onto this field where I could see my non verbal thoughts with my eyes opened. I've come to believe this to be the mental body field.

Based on your description, I believe our experiences are pretty much the same. Definitely trippy stuff. Ayahuasca is like a cheat or steroids for meditation. It gives you a glimpse of what zen masters and yogis come to see and realize without the years of meditation, only difference is that the state doesn't last once you sober up. As the Buddhist tell you, don't be attached to states, all is impermanent. We are to abide as the eternal, unchanging, and timeless cosmic being. From emptiness arises all form, and non duality encompasses both emptiness and form, that is oneness. Would love to hear back from you, if you could relate. Also, what is your perception of the world since you've had your experience?

"You already are, what you seek." -Rumi
"You are the universe experiencing itself." -Alan Watts 

Peter Wang

P.S. In our normal state, we feel bound by our bodies, our thoughts, and our emotions, but that's the illusion. We aren't our bodies nor are we our minds. We're something way bigger. The totality of all manifest and unmanifest. All existence is made of consciousness and we are THAT. Buddhist call this big mind, or even no mind, no self. Hindus call it the absolute, The Self, Brahman, Shiva Being. Christians call it Christ Consciousness, surrender, and acceptance. It's super fascinating to discover our true nature. This is enlightenment. This is the Tao. We are all actors part of the cosmic dance, a play of life, what the Hindus call "lila". All manifestations are of the ONE, who likes to play hide and seek with itself. The ONE, who loves to get as far as it it can away from its own being. So that the drama ensues. This is the ONE's entertainment. 

Nataraja is known as the Cosmic Dancer, a depiction of Lord Shiva and his divine dance

A strong ego will be the least to understand this. Identifying too much with personality and who one establishes themselves to be as a person, an individual, will not understand these remarks. The quieter your mind, the more you will begin to know and understand. The more thoughts you have and the more active your mind is, you will not be able to see. Silence is the key. This is wisdom.