Ayahuasca Journey 9: My Letter to Matt on Cosmic Consciousness

🕒 7 MINUTE READ

Hi Matt,

Just wanted to reach out to you regarding your experience mentioned in your blog.

http://mattbelair.com/ayahuasca-a-dip-into-the-stream-of-cosmic-consciousness/

I've had the same experience as you. I've done Ayahuasca up to 9x now. 1st trip being initiation and ego death. 2nd trip being my first glimpse of the cosmic consciousness where I had flash of it and my awareness expanded and then it dissipated. 3rd trip, again I had a flash of cosmic consciousness but this time it fully kicked in and I was abiding in that state for the duration of my trip (about three to four hours). Although like you said, time is not really a concept in this realm. In this state, I felt like a massive ball of energy. Sphere like in the domain of consciousness.

I walked as if I were a spirit, no longer feeling the weight of my body. I felt like a massive being, larger than my usual self. Things were visibly separate within, but knowingly part of the whole and part of my sphere. The space between separation felt like it had some sort of invisible tangible quality. There were pixels and sparkles everywhere within empty space, like a matrix. Some cosmic field that's part of the illusion. As you mentioned, this 4th dimension is something our mind normally does not perceive.  Everything was high def 1080P, not even, more like 4K TV. All formations of objects were perfect without flaws. There exist within the field, various colors that ranged from indigo to green or at times crystal clear.  A part of this, was a deep feeling and knowing, that I am the creator and everything in my field of consciousness was created by me with the utmost detail for the sake of experience among the multitudes of other experiences. Not knowing how or why (most likely a limitation of human experience and intelligence), but like you said, a feeling and perception that I've been here before, more like I've always been here, and have been for eternity. This is a simple fundamental truth. I felt immensely powerful, focused, highly confident, and fully sure of myself. I couldn't help but expand my body and flex my arms as Mother Ayahuasca was expressing herself through me. She was surging her energy through my very being. I would have loud random outbursts of "OMs" that would completely overtake my body with vibrations pouring out of my mouth directly from my gut (solar plexus). Like you, I'm also a Chan practitioner, and somehow, the hours sitting in full lotus meditation has built up a lot of energy in my body.

In my brain, I would have a feeling of union between the left and right hemispheres. I would have pinnacle or peak experiences where I felt my brain was melding or merging into one sphere. I'd feel brain vibrations and see divine yellow and white lights as these moments kicked in and erupted into braingasms.

4th trip I would feel the same. 5th trip I did not. 6th trip once again, I would experience the same. Mother Aya channeling her life force through me, showing me Cosmic Consciousness, Shiva Being, God Mode.

7th trip it was there, but by far more subtle. In this 4th dimension, I encountered a cosmic entity, but I will not get into that, as we both know, they are still part of the one. 8th trip was interesting. I saw quite a few cosmic entities and also watched my body die. When I saw death dawn upon me, I realized my being continued to persist and was still aware and existing. I was the Eternal Timeless Being, the Self. Again this was cosmic consciousness but in a much subtler form, but deeper in meaning. I wasn't all puffed up like a ball bellowing vibrations out of my mouth. Although, I thought this one experience would last into sobriety but it never did. However, the teaching and understanding is still there.

Just today, I had my 9th trip and it was everything as I described in my 3rd in the longer paragraph above. Only this time, the sphere of consciousness felt way more prominent and that empty space within the field, like you said is not even really empty. You can perceive the substance although it can't really be seen, touched, smelled, or heard, but it is known by your very being. I was able to visualize mental images normally depicted in the mind's eye projected out onto this field where I could see my non verbal thoughts with my eyes opened. I've come to believe this to be the mental body field.

Based on your description, I believe our experiences are pretty much the same. Definitely trippy stuff. Ayahuasca is like a cheat or steroids for meditation. It gives you a glimpse of what zen masters and yogis come to see and realize without the years of meditation, only difference is that the state doesn't last once you sober up. As the Buddhist tell you, don't be attached to states, all is impermanent. We are to abide as the eternal, unchanging, and timeless cosmic being. From emptiness arises all form, and non duality encompasses both emptiness and form, that is oneness. Would love to hear back from you, if you could relate. Also, what is your perception of the world since you've had your experience?

"You already are, what you seek." -Rumi
"You are the universe experiencing itself." -Alan Watts 

Peter Wang

P.S. In our normal state, we feel bound by our bodies, our thoughts, and our emotions, but that's the illusion. We aren't our bodies nor are we our minds. We're something way bigger. The totality of all manifest and unmanifest. All existence is made of consciousness and we are THAT. Buddhist call this big mind, or even no mind, no self. Hindus call it the absolute, The Self, Brahman, Shiva Being. Christians call it Christ Consciousness, surrender, and acceptance. It's super fascinating to discover our true nature. This is enlightenment. This is the Tao. We are all actors part of the cosmic dance, a play of life, what the Hindus call "lila". All manifestations are of the ONE, who likes to play hide and seek with itself. The ONE, who loves to get as far as it it can away from its own being. So that the drama ensues. This is the ONE's entertainment. 

Nataraja is known as the Cosmic Dancer, a depiction of Lord Shiva and his divine dance

A strong ego will be the least to understand this. Identifying too much with personality and who one establishes themselves to be as a person, an individual, will not understand these remarks. The quieter your mind, the more you will begin to know and understand. The more thoughts you have and the more active your mind is, you will not be able to see. Silence is the key. This is wisdom.

Ayahuasca Journey 8: 4th Dimension Entities & The Eternal Self

🕒 5 MINUTE READ

Friday November 10th, 2017 8PM
Ceremony prep, before the event that day, I had meditated twice. 40 min in the morning in half lotus and full lotus for 60 min just prior to the event. Ate relatively light, last meal at 4PM (blended apple and greens).

Participants: Jarvis (the shaman), May, Shayla (Filipina in her 40s), Jose (Hispanic in his 50-60s who's done it 80x), and some other Caucasian in his 30s.

I get to the studio at around 8PM and proceed to take my first dose. Lights out, music rolls, and I get into half lotus seated position. The initial onset of this trip was super quick. About 20 min in, barely into the second Icaros (Ayahuasca music), I started getting visuals, silhouettes, and fractals, however it was weak and lasted about 30 min. Somehow in meditation, I was able to suppress the visuals and they didn't surface for another 20 min. So I laid there a bit bored, mind emptied of visuals, and tempted to Ask Jarvis for my 2nd shot. In this initial trip, I did see the little girl with a monster face again (same one from journey 5 and 6), but as usual, paid her little attention.

I probably laid there for another 10 min and decided to use the restroom (w/ lights on). So I went in there, proceed with #2. While in there, I noticed everything was high definition, 1080P like. Everything was crystal clear and felt very surreal and digital like. Nothing I wasn't used to and just felt pretty cool overall. Finished up and went back to my spot.

Shortly after, as I laid there, that one shot started hitting me hard, the 2nd wave. The room began to swirl. Rainbow hues began to emerge super imposed over the studio. Everything began to feel very very cosmic, like I was in some other dimension. To my far left, I see Jarvis sitting crossed legs, doing his shaman things (drums, chanting, etc). He felt quite far in a distance, yet it felt like I awakened to his secret realm, his magical place. My eyes were lit, my awareness was heightened, and everything very surreal.

So I proceeded to close my eyes and had my first encounter with some strange cosmic entities or spirits. There were three of them, gender-less. They were long swirly thick oval looking non-slimy very smooth wormy beings. They looked at me with curiosity and I stared right back. Then they made a sudden shift and started approaching me, way too close to my comfort. As if they were going to posses me, so I opened my eyes, shook myself out of that vision and said no thanks. Did not feel comfortable surrendering to that.

Then to my right, these other cosmic entities started arising. Couple strips of them. Yeah, "strips." They were string looking entities, like two-dimensional long string beings. Each with an eye. Staring at me, I ignored them as well because they were just weird.

So I focused on the room, and more higher entities, god like beings began popping up staring down at me. They looked like Eastern Island Moai statues. Quite a few of them looking down with curiosity. At this point, I was like, oh man too many entities, so I turned on my side and decided to lay down, tucked myself into my sleeping bag, and closed my eyes.

In this position, the onset of death started arising in me. Although not of fear, of gentle understanding. As I lay there, I proceeded to die, and something profound happened at the point. A very interesting shift in consciousness. Upon my death, I realized that although the body has died, my being was still alive, aware, and woke. I couldn't quite put a feeling or wrap my mind around this experience as I observed my body there. So I got up and decided to go purge (felt it coming when I was seeing the entities). I walked out side, feeling massive, expansive, and big (a feeling generally associated with all my trips). I call it the walking spirit. Anyway, I walked outside and spread my legs and heaved over the side of the parking lot. Then the purge came. Relatively easy purge this time, poured out with ease and minimal discomfort (lasted about 2 min). What was interesting again was, within my puke, I see again, swirling dark and hellish entities in my contents. Looked at them for a bit, but didn't pay too much attention and went back inside.

purging dark entities and negative energy

As I sat there inside, center of the studio, I begin to ponder again about the death experience and couldn't quite put a finger on what had happened, that deep understanding. Then I realized, Mother Ayahuasca was showing me our true Buddha nature, the Godhead, Enlightenment. That you are what you seek, that you are the Buddha. It's in all of us. We are that single cosmic entity, the timeless eternal imperishable being. And all things happen within me. That we are THAT. This feeling or being was somewhat slightly different from my usual cosmic expansive self, it was less aggressive and by far more subtle. And it persisted for about an hour or so. I honestly thought it was going to last this time, regardless it has made me more situated in what Buddhist called emptiness. From the unmanifest, the formless, arises all form. And that we are the totality of it all (we are the universe). That as we cast away our bodies, we continue to exist. It is the truth to what Ramana Maharashi and the Hindus call the Self, that we are God himself. A deep acknowledgement of that presence was felt this time, although it has subsided quite a bit as I write this. The teaching is still there. Your body will take care of itself (our karmas). You are not that which exist is in this world, but the world exists within YOU.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed the read. I'll share future journeys on truths, insight, and wisdom I've learned from my experience.

https://www.meetup.com/AyahuascaDTLA/events/244963439/