My 1st DMT Breakthrough Experience: The Unfolding of Reality (The Mind)

🕒 10 MINUTE READ

Although this is a blog about Ayahuasca, I figured it would be worthwhile for everyone to read about my recent breakthrough experience with DMT. After all, Ayahuasca contains DMT. These past 12 months, I've been guinea pigging myself and have dabbled with Ayahuasca and high doses of psylocibin mushrooms, alongside my daily meditation practice to study the mind. I've experienced many of the usual trip reports that most people read about (ego death, encountering entities, oneness, interconnectedness, divinity, amplified sensory experience, and altered states of consciousness). However, my experience yesterday afternoon was quite beyond your ordinary trip. It's been quite difficult to grasp and wrap my mind around. It was inconceivable, beyond imagination. It wasn't your typical hallucination or journey, but almost a direct experience into the seeing of our mind unfolding and then reconstructing reality. If you think our physical reality is it, I'll tell you, it cannot be any further from the truth. A DMT breakthrough is by far the most bizarre experience anyone could ever fathom and go through.

I basically attempted to smoke DMT for the first time with the intention of breaking through. For those of you who don't know what DMT is, it's dimethyltryptamine, a chemical compound found in all of life and is supposedly released by the brain upon death. "Breaking through", is to take a high enough dose to pierce reality and enter other realms or different dimensions. Don't believe in other realms, different dimensions? Try again, smoke DMT, cause you'll be in for a surprise.

In my 1st attempt, I didn't smoke enough. Reality shifted, things got interesting and everything became rather fake, cartoonish, or like lego blocks. But I was still able to tell what was going on. My 2nd attempt, I still didn't smoke enough, but I closed my eyes this time and entered your standard trippy vortexes and tunnels that you usually see on Ayahuasca, only that the content was much more raw and basic without any entities or any presence. Also, "you" as an individual, disappears, and it's just raw experience. Like you're aware, yet "you" are gone.

On my 3rd attempt, I finally broke through and something very terrifying, awestruck, and profound happened. This was probably the most intense experience I've ever encountered on psychedelics and in life. Hopefully this experience can shed some light on the understandings of the nature of reality and may be valuable to anyone who reads this.

So here we go. Just as I took the last puff and peaked, I saw that things were going to unravel and quickly go out of control. I felt a rush of energy rising up from my back, up to my neck, and then to the back of my head while hearing a high pitched ring. It felt like everything was going to go south very fast. I attempted to put the pipe and lighter down as fast as possible for fear of dropping it, as the glass pipe appeared to be melting. As I was doing so, within seconds, I started to see my hands and body shrink itself into youth. My hands and body shrunk and I became a child again. For a split second I felt pure innocence, but at the same time was in complete shock and disarray. As it progressed, I fell backwards onto my bed and saw my hands shrink into a baby's hand. It was surreal. Incomprehensible.

I then tried to come to grips with what was happening and attempted to get back up. Re-looked at my hands. Again it was still a child's hand, and with all the blemishes on my hands gone. Then it started to morph into very cartoonish and virtual like hands. As I continued to look, my hand started breaking apart into fractals of pink triangles and peach colored circles, it was then merged and meshed with the background. I no longer had any depth perception! All of my sense faculties went haywire and it was extremely disorienting. All my senses were shot. I collapsed back downwards onto my bed unable to move. Geometric shapes, patterns, and colors made up all of reality and everything was extremely unstable. It wasn't your typical traditional fractal kaleidoscope or close-eyed circular mosaics that most people find beautiful during a trip. Instead, it felt like consciousness was spinning and spiraling out of control into some void and was struggling to make sense of anything that was going on. I believe my eyes were open and all sensory data was completely garbled, a big blob of geometric shapes and pixels scattered covering all that was visible. There was nothing I was able to ground myself to in reality nor that I can say I was familiar with. It was as if reality was being deconstructed and ripped apart right before my eyes in a matter of seconds.

I recall the last of my thoughts were, "Oh no, I made a mistake, this is not how I wanted to die." And was worried about disappointing my parents and what they would think of me. And what my coworkers would think of me. "Oh no, this is it, this is how I'm going out, too late, I messed up." As I attempted and continued to grasp and cling to life, there was nothing stable that I could hold onto. Everything that I thought I was, got completely thrown out the window. A "me" kept phasing in and out until finally all concepts, the structure of reality, and thoughts were gone. It was like I was being crushed, twisted, bended, flipped, and inverted all at the same time. Any attempt to be mindful was impossible, there was no one left to be mindful. It was pure chaos and there was no control whatsoever. No Love, no God, no Oneness, no Bliss. Nothing left but raw sensory input, raw data. And as life was dizzyingly breaking apart, slipping away, and fading out, consciousness finally shut down, blinked out of existence and blacked out. Emptiness. It was like I died.

Not too long after, it was quite strange and compelling. It was as-if my brain was rebooted and my system was coming back online. For a brief moment, it was like I forgot why I was here or what I was doing, a clean slate. I felt completely foreign to my surroundings. Like I was some being in some strange environment. But as my personality came back, I began to see and make sense of things, "Oh, I'm Peter, this is my room, I was smoking DMT." The narrating mind reappears. As I began to look around, I was able to see and comprehend the frames around all objects within reality, the basic building blocks of shape and form. It was like everything in the world was a three dimensional translucent blue print and model made of rudimentary geometric shapes. My curtains were two dimensional lines, my hardwood floor was semi-translucent, as was my bed. Doors, walls, and furniture were perfect rectangles, squares, circles, and triangles.

And as the mind slowly attempted to re-stabilize reality, one by one more details came into play and was layered in. The color brown was applied onto my wooden floors, colors began appearing in other objects, curves were added to all the box-like straight-edged objects. The surface of all objects in reality started to appear extremely smooth, like a dolphin's skin. And finally, as the effects wore off, the finer details and subtleties of reality began to emerge, like the pores of my friend's skin, the fine lines of her hair, or wrinkles on her face. It was a lot like watching one of those time-lapsed videos on youtube where an artist begins to draw an image with basic shapes until all the details have been finally overlaid on top of the original image to make the final product. So I thought to myself, "This is how the mind constructs reality", as I watched it fill in the remaining details. Super fascinating.

This whole experience lasted probably 5 to 7 minutes. At this point, I really don't know what to make of this, other than it just being quite an extraordinary experience. It was overwhelming, pretty scary, yet interesting at the same time. It's definitely piqued my curiosity. The first time I did Ayahuasca, I surrendered and went through a symbolic death. But now I see, the DMT death experience is a much more real simulation to death because the sense of dread and wanting to cling to life was much more powerful. Way more intense. As I gained experience and learned to navigate reality with Ayahuasca, it was much more fun to explore. Perhaps it may be the same with DMT. I'm just not sure I'm ready yet.

DMT has shown me what I unexpectedly wanted to see.

Ayahuasca Journey 11: Room Full Of Heavenly Ethereal Spirit Entities

🕒 6 MINUTE READ

It's been seven weeks since my last Ayahuasca trip. I just got back from a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat and wanted to test out how it would potentially affect my journey. So here we go.

Participants: Jarvis (the facilitator), May (the assistant), Edna (Israeli man in his 40-50s)

1st Dose
I started off with a relatively low dose, 1/2 a dixie cup. Then I got into half lotus meditation posture and waited for the initial onset. 30 minutes in, I didn't really feel anything aside from a flashing, strobing, and pulsing white light in the middle of my forehead. No big deal, this occurs here and there when I meditate sober.

2nd Dose
Then Jarvis asked us if we were ready to follow it up with another dose. I think he was able to tell it was not really kicking in. So this time, we proceeded with a fuller dose. So a total of 1.5 shots. Not too long after I took this dose, the affects of Ayahuasca began.

The inner world visuals started to commence. I'm not sure if it's because of the Vipassana retreat, but my inner world journey was no where near as chaotic or intense as my previous ones. Perhaps the retreat purified my mind a bit. No crazy melting paint like substances, no strange realms or dimensions, and no HD like images or inner world entities. There were brief blue-gold-white kaleidoscopic or fractal like visuals. It was coupled by a duck like quacking noise trying to speak to me. "Quack quack quackkk quack quack...", something I've encountered many times in my other trips. Not really seeing much, I decided to keep my eyes open.

Then the urge came to purge. So I quickly got outside and puked my guts out. Puking, I was able to see dark entities and dark energies within and around my puke. Again, this is a fairly common thing to see for people and generally I don't give it too much attention. As usual, I feel lighter after, walking about, feeling like a tall being or spirit. I then went back inside to sit down in the center of the studio.

I'm not sure what the Vipassana retreat did, but it seem to have really grounded me. My trip was not as cosmic or astral as it was in the past where I felt like I was floating out in a dream like space in the universe. Nor did I feel puffed up like I was something walking around greater than myself, the energy in me was more contained this time.

As I went and sat inside the room, I did however have two occurrences of explosive energy release. I'm not sure why this happens to me. According to May, she hasn't seen any other patron do this. I would sit there and a ball full of energy would build up inside of me and it would need to be released. As it gets released, the energy would pour out of my mouth and I would bellow a deep loud roar filling the entire room. Ayahuasca overtakes me and does this to me. Very powerful stuff, a very immense feeling of release. I'd burst forth with my arms and neck outstretched in the air unleashing vibration and vocal energy.

Not too long after, a second round of purging came. I'm guessing each purge was associated to each of the spaced out doses I took. After this purge, I felt even lighter than before and a sense of confidence, sureness of myself, and presence began to grow and well up inside of me. My true being and spirit began to express itself, casting away the limitations of the mind-body. My mind was clear and I felt highly aware and highly connected. A heightened sense of awareness. I was able to detect subtle sensations all over my body. Mentally sharp and sober with the affects of Ayahuasca still in my system, I felt radiating and glowing. I walked back into the studio and started noticing a gathering of spirits all around me.

The whole room was filled with heavenly spirits with astral bodies. They looked pretty much like the wisps I experienced in my last Ayahuasca trip, only this time their arms and legs were much more prominent and they weren't flying about in the air. They were circling around me at ground level, here and there, scattered all over the room. This time both male and female. They looked amazing and beautiful, very light and transparent. Each with a different personality too. Some were graceful, some were giddy, another was calm, and there was also even an obnoxious male one that enjoyed getting really close to the right side of my face trying to playfully bug me. Previously, I've always had doubts and figured I was just hallucinating, but now I have growing confidence that these entities do exist. They were as clear as night and day, as me seeing another person in front of me. I was looking onward at each and one of them with mental clarity. It felt like I was at some party and they came to congregate and celebrate. To show me that I made it to their realm. That was the feeling I got from them, a great welcoming. They all seemed genuine, happy, and friendly. Not needy and wanting something like the ones I encountered on my 5 gram mushroom trip, where I felt a bit of fear. This lasted about 10 to 15 minutes. As the affects of Ayahuasca began to fade, so did they.

This picture does not do them justice, but it was the best one I could find.

I'm truly grateful and thankful for Ayahuasca to allow me to experience this. It was wonderful, delightful, and full of joy.

https://www.meetup.com/AyahuascaDTLA/events/246822118/

Magic Mushrooms: Terrence Mckenna's Heroic Dose (Faceless Beings with Ethereal Lantern Lights)

🕒 7 MINUTE READ

I know this is supposed to be an Ayahuasca blog, but I decided to give a trip report on what they call Terrence Mckenna's Heroic Dose. It's basically 5 grams of magic mushrooms in total silent darkness. I will write about some of the differences between this journey and my Ayahuasca trips.

Around 7 PM, I prepared my room by turning off all electronics and blocking anything that might be emanating light. By the time I was done, it was 7:55 PM and began munching on 5 grams of mushrooms. Chewed them thoroughly and proceeded to meditate on my bed.

About 30 minutes in, I began to see lightly colored visuals in string forms and silhouettes. Nothing intense or high definition like Ayahuasca. However, as it progressed and peaked, I started seeing various close eyed visuals I generally see when I'm on Ayahuasca. It was the other side. A side I've gotten familiar with. This seems to be some midway realm between our physical one and the spiritual. One key note that was different with mushrooms was that it lacked the divine light or energy I typically see or feel on Ayahuasca. I did notice there was no nausea that I usually get with a regular 3.5 gram dose walking around in nature. Oh, and thank god no purge!

As the intensity progressed, I got out of meditation and laid in my bed. Phasing in and out of open eyed and closed eyed visuals, it was difficult to really make out what was in the dark. But I started to see open eyed shadowy figures zooming and flying about the room, getting pretty close to me, especially around my neck. Sometimes I can make out a face, other times I couldn't. Was a bit freaky, but I continued to look on with curiosity and figured it's just my mind playing tricks on me in the dark.

We are all ONE right? Everything is consciousness right? Just mind stuff. Nothing to be scared of right?

So I got into a bow, the posture of surrender. To open myself up for whatever may come. In that position, with my eyes closed, I tapped into the mid way realm again and saw various geometric bubbles and patterns, and what sort of looked like some presence was in there, but it wasn't clear. Having enough of that I sat upright in my bed.

Then appeared in the darkness, near the edge of my bed to my left, this very low light, a luminescent glow. It seemed to be in some sort of ethereal box. Then another appeared. Then I realized, these lantern like lights were being held up by these tall, shadowy-grayish, looming, masculine, ethereal, semi-faceless beings with long arms. Staring at them for a bit, they didn't seem to move much but definitely were present. It did not feel like a figment of my imagination or hallucination. They appeared to be very real. They then held the light up to me and continued to stare at me, and I back at them. Then a third one appeared, now three of them each holding up this light. Each of them, different heights. Shortly after, more came into my room, now they were feminine, and some were children. The females and kids did not have the lantern like ethereal light that the masculine ones were holding. The children moved faster and swirled about. All of them seemed to be hungry or wanting something, I don't know what, perhaps energy? It was like when you come across a bunch of homeless, pan handlers, and beggars asking for change. They definitely showed a lot of curiosity in me.

I was telling myself, there's nothing to be afraid of. Everything is of the mind. So I tried to be welcoming and compassionate. Like the Buddha said, be compassionate towards all sentient beings. When I started to be more welcoming, it started to get a little overwhelming, very claustrophobic. They were swarming me wanting something, but I had enough. They were getting too close and it got very uncomfortable so I stood up, puffed up my chest and told them "No". Tried to clear the air and went to reach for the light as I started to feel fear. I just didn't want to mess with energies I did not understand. As I reached for the light, they started grasping me not wanting me to turn on the lights. I couldn't feel them, but I could see it. It definitely got a little creepy. Pretty fucken intense.

they were longer, taller, less muscular, less defined

As the lights went on, everything in my apartment had no lines. Every object looked like some fuzzy blob. Things got better as my eyes adjusted to the light. With the lights on, everything looked pretty and HD, kind of like when I'm on Ayahuasca but not to that level of detail.

This was not the first time I chickened out seeing entities. Here's an excerpt from my Ayahuasca Journey 8.

"So I proceeded to close my eyes and had my first encounter with some strange cosmic entities or spirits. There were three of them, gender-less. They were long swirly thick oval looking non-slimy very smooth wormy beings. They looked at me with curiosity and I stared right back. Then they made a sudden shift and started approaching me, way too close to my comfort. As if they were going to posses me, so I opened my eyes, shook myself out of that vision and said no thanks. Did not feel comfortable surrendering to that."

Anyway, I spent the remainder of my trip sitting on my bed contemplating what I had just experienced. On the come down though, the oneness feeling started to arise. At the end of all my psychedelic trips, it seems to always want to teach me that everything is one, no separation. A light luminous glow or aura pervades the room. It's as if my being can feel the edges of consciousness. As if, all manifestation and existence resides within my very being. That is oneness and what all psychedelics ultimately try to teach.

Hope you enjoyed this report! This is my 6th mushroom trip, first time trying 5 grams.

Ayahuasca Journey 10: Playful Female Spirits "Wisps"

🕒 6 MINUTE READ

Been three weeks since my last trip, so I've been itching to experience grace, cosmic consciousness, and the Self. Once again, I decided to embark on another Ayahuasca journey, my 10th one.

First Dose
Got to the ceremony and was handed my dose. I took it right away and went back to my usual spot and laid there, waiting for its onset. About 30 minutes in, the visuals came but were fairly weak. Not solid or dense visuals, but more linear. Not the usual waxy, paint like melting substance I often see. This time, lot more lines and colors with something guiding me to go down a stream of two sets of multiple vibrating parallel lines. Not feeling much, I opened my eyes to see if there were any open eye differences. Looking around, nothing all too special or out of the norm, just extreme clarity. Now being almost 45 minutes in and not tripping hard yet, I decided to follow-up with a 2nd dose.

Second Dose
Not too long after taking my second dose, my inner world visuals began coming more alive. Again with the first dose, Mother Aya lead me down the center of a bunch of wiggling vibrating opposing parallel lines of different colors. So I followed. To the left and right of these lines I saw various hellish and morbid type images, but they weren't very prominent. They were more in the background so I didn't place much emphasis on them. As I continued swirling through the center of these parallel lines, I could feel acceleration and energy building up in my body. When I finally got to the destination, this energy rushed throughout my body emanating from the core of my being. I exploded out of my position laying down, got up, and was super expansive and flexed, puffed up like a balloon. Mother Aya had take over. As I continued to well up and the energy built up in my core continued to surge, it suddenly burst forth erupting all over. An orgasm of the body and mind, an orgasm of my being. A brain-body-gasm! My whole being shuddered and expanded with energy. Vibrations came pouring out of my mouth and I let out a deep bellied shout. I felt like a human bomb filled with life force. When it was all done, I couldn't stop chuckling in joy. It was exhilarating. I felt sooo alive.

 

After that experience, I tucked myself back into my spot. Feeling super cozy and giddy as I stared into empty space. Out of no where, these spirits started appearing. I looked first with curiosity and cleared my eyes to look again, just to make sure I saw what I was seeing. There they were, half a dozen of them. Female spirits with astral bodies floating all over the room. They were happy, playful, and filled with joy. Smiling, gleeful, flirtatious, and fun. They were like playful dolphins, only that they were levitating and swirling above. Then it was apparent to me, either I was hallucinating very hard or they were astral beings without a physical body. Entities from a non physical plane of existence. They were very ethereal, but I was able to make out their pretty giggling faces. They were a lot like wisps, only light, white, and yellowish with lengthy trailing astral bodies. It was very magical, wonderful, and pleasant to watch. Ayahuasca truly does show you some amazing stuff. I've had so many out of this world encounters and visions with Ayahuasca, I wish I had the artistic talent to draw out what I see. Unfortunately I can't draw if my life depended on it. Hence I'm writing.

Not too long after my encounter with the wisps, a 2nd round of energy began to build up in my body and mind again. Once again it exploded sending my legs and arms outstretched while i bellowed vibrations out of my mouth from my gut causing my whole being to shiver with bliss. Immediately after, I felt one with everything that was around. That there was was no separation, wholeness, complete. I found it once again, the Self. Shining every so subtlety, incredible easy to miss. It's as if Ayahuasca allows you to fine tune into this luminous Self, an invisible energy field, and it's there, perceivable when you tap in. Glowing within you and without. Grace, God, Guru is always with you. Sitting there feeling one with everything, a deep and profound peace permeated the entire room. I basked in that essence, that presence, this silence, the ego-less state. It was pure bliss. It was ecstatic. This is everything Ramana Maharshi speaks of. He truly was a saint, a Buddha of our time.

Ramana Maharashi - the Self

I picked up a mirror I had brought and looked at my face. Looking into it, I felt a sense of separation from the body. Once again, Ayahuasca teaching me that I'm not the body, but the eternal being, pure awareness. Seeing myself in the mirror, it felt like another person. A person aging with wrinkles, getting old. A body prone to disease, death, and decay. It was clear to me, to truly wake up and discover our true nature, is the ultimate and highest goal that every being should pursue. To escape the cycle of Samsara. To break the illusion of Maya. To transcend the physical realm and be in touch with our true selves once again. To abide as the ONE eternal spirit. If not this lifetime, then the next.

P.S. I had one hell of a deep purge. Glad that parts over.

Ayahuasca Journey 9: My Letter to Matt on Cosmic Consciousness

🕒 7 MINUTE READ

Hi Matt,

Just wanted to reach out to you regarding your experience mentioned in your blog.

http://mattbelair.com/ayahuasca-a-dip-into-the-stream-of-cosmic-consciousness/

I've had the same experience as you. I've done Ayahuasca up to 9x now. 1st trip being initiation and ego death. 2nd trip being my first glimpse of the cosmic consciousness where I had flash of it and my awareness expanded and then it dissipated. 3rd trip, again I had a flash of cosmic consciousness but this time it fully kicked in and I was abiding in that state for the duration of my trip (about three to four hours). Although like you said, time is not really a concept in this realm. In this state, I felt like a massive ball of energy. Sphere like in the domain of consciousness.

I walked as if I were a spirit, no longer feeling the weight of my body. I felt like a massive being, larger than my usual self. Things were visibly separate within, but knowingly part of the whole and part of my sphere. The space between separation felt like it had some sort of invisible tangible quality. There were pixels and sparkles everywhere within empty space, like a matrix. Some cosmic field that's part of the illusion. As you mentioned, this 4th dimension is something our mind normally does not perceive.  Everything was high def 1080P, not even, more like 4K TV. All formations of objects were perfect without flaws. There exist within the field, various colors that ranged from indigo to green or at times crystal clear.  A part of this, was a deep feeling and knowing, that I am the creator and everything in my field of consciousness was created by me with the utmost detail for the sake of experience among the multitudes of other experiences. Not knowing how or why (most likely a limitation of human experience and intelligence), but like you said, a feeling and perception that I've been here before, more like I've always been here, and have been for eternity. This is a simple fundamental truth. I felt immensely powerful, focused, highly confident, and fully sure of myself. I couldn't help but expand my body and flex my arms as Mother Ayahuasca was expressing herself through me. She was surging her energy through my very being. I would have loud random outbursts of "OMs" that would completely overtake my body with vibrations pouring out of my mouth directly from my gut (solar plexus). Like you, I'm also a Chan practitioner, and somehow, the hours sitting in full lotus meditation has built up a lot of energy in my body.

In my brain, I would have a feeling of union between the left and right hemispheres. I would have pinnacle or peak experiences where I felt my brain was melding or merging into one sphere. I'd feel brain vibrations and see divine yellow and white lights as these moments kicked in and erupted into braingasms.

4th trip I would feel the same. 5th trip I did not. 6th trip once again, I would experience the same. Mother Aya channeling her life force through me, showing me Cosmic Consciousness, Shiva Being, God Mode.

7th trip it was there, but by far more subtle. In this 4th dimension, I encountered a cosmic entity, but I will not get into that, as we both know, they are still part of the one. 8th trip was interesting. I saw quite a few cosmic entities and also watched my body die. When I saw death dawn upon me, I realized my being continued to persist and was still aware and existing. I was the Eternal Timeless Being, the Self. Again this was cosmic consciousness but in a much subtler form, but deeper in meaning. I wasn't all puffed up like a ball bellowing vibrations out of my mouth. Although, I thought this one experience would last into sobriety but it never did. However, the teaching and understanding is still there.

Just today, I had my 9th trip and it was everything as I described in my 3rd in the longer paragraph above. Only this time, the sphere of consciousness felt way more prominent and that empty space within the field, like you said is not even really empty. You can perceive the substance although it can't really be seen, touched, smelled, or heard, but it is known by your very being. I was able to visualize mental images normally depicted in the mind's eye projected out onto this field where I could see my non verbal thoughts with my eyes opened. I've come to believe this to be the mental body field.

Based on your description, I believe our experiences are pretty much the same. Definitely trippy stuff. Ayahuasca is like a cheat or steroids for meditation. It gives you a glimpse of what zen masters and yogis come to see and realize without the years of meditation, only difference is that the state doesn't last once you sober up. As the Buddhist tell you, don't be attached to states, all is impermanent. We are to abide as the eternal, unchanging, and timeless cosmic being. From emptiness arises all form, and non duality encompasses both emptiness and form, that is oneness. Would love to hear back from you, if you could relate. Also, what is your perception of the world since you've had your experience?

"You already are, what you seek." -Rumi
"You are the universe experiencing itself." -Alan Watts 

Peter Wang

P.S. In our normal state, we feel bound by our bodies, our thoughts, and our emotions, but that's the illusion. We aren't our bodies nor are we our minds. We're something way bigger. The totality of all manifest and unmanifest. All existence is made of consciousness and we are THAT. Buddhist call this big mind, or even no mind, no self. Hindus call it the absolute, The Self, Brahman, Shiva Being. Christians call it Christ Consciousness, surrender, and acceptance. It's super fascinating to discover our true nature. This is enlightenment. This is the Tao. We are all actors part of the cosmic dance, a play of life, what the Hindus call "lila". All manifestations are of the ONE, who likes to play hide and seek with itself. The ONE, who loves to get as far as it it can away from its own being. So that the drama ensues. This is the ONE's entertainment. 

Nataraja is known as the Cosmic Dancer, a depiction of Lord Shiva and his divine dance

A strong ego will be the least to understand this. Identifying too much with personality and who one establishes themselves to be as a person, an individual, will not understand these remarks. The quieter your mind, the more you will begin to know and understand. The more thoughts you have and the more active your mind is, you will not be able to see. Silence is the key. This is wisdom.

Ayahuasca Journey 8: 4th Dimension Entities & The Eternal Self

🕒 5 MINUTE READ

Friday November 10th, 2017 8PM
Ceremony prep, before the event that day, I had meditated twice. 40 min in the morning in half lotus and full lotus for 60 min just prior to the event. Ate relatively light, last meal at 4PM (blended apple and greens).

Participants: Jarvis (the shaman), May, Shayla (Filipina in her 40s), Jose (Hispanic in his 50-60s who's done it 80x), and some other Caucasian in his 30s.

I get to the studio at around 8PM and proceed to take my first dose. Lights out, music rolls, and I get into half lotus seated position. The initial onset of this trip was super quick. About 20 min in, barely into the second Icaros (Ayahuasca music), I started getting visuals, silhouettes, and fractals, however it was weak and lasted about 30 min. Somehow in meditation, I was able to suppress the visuals and they didn't surface for another 20 min. So I laid there a bit bored, mind emptied of visuals, and tempted to Ask Jarvis for my 2nd shot. In this initial trip, I did see the little girl with a monster face again (same one from journey 5 and 6), but as usual, paid her little attention.

I probably laid there for another 10 min and decided to use the restroom (w/ lights on). So I went in there, proceed with #2. While in there, I noticed everything was high definition, 1080P like. Everything was crystal clear and felt very surreal and digital like. Nothing I wasn't used to and just felt pretty cool overall. Finished up and went back to my spot.

Shortly after, as I laid there, that one shot started hitting me hard, the 2nd wave. The room began to swirl. Rainbow hues began to emerge super imposed over the studio. Everything began to feel very very cosmic, like I was in some other dimension. To my far left, I see Jarvis sitting crossed legs, doing his shaman things (drums, chanting, etc). He felt quite far in a distance, yet it felt like I awakened to his secret realm, his magical place. My eyes were lit, my awareness was heightened, and everything very surreal.

So I proceeded to close my eyes and had my first encounter with some strange cosmic entities or spirits. There were three of them, gender-less. They were long swirly thick oval looking non-slimy very smooth wormy beings. They looked at me with curiosity and I stared right back. Then they made a sudden shift and started approaching me, way too close to my comfort. As if they were going to posses me, so I opened my eyes, shook myself out of that vision and said no thanks. Did not feel comfortable surrendering to that.

Then to my right, these other cosmic entities started arising. Couple strips of them. Yeah, "strips." They were string looking entities, like two-dimensional long string beings. Each with an eye. Staring at me, I ignored them as well because they were just weird.

So I focused on the room, and more higher entities, god like beings began popping up staring down at me. They looked like Eastern Island Moai statues. Quite a few of them looking down with curiosity. At this point, I was like, oh man too many entities, so I turned on my side and decided to lay down, tucked myself into my sleeping bag, and closed my eyes.

In this position, the onset of death started arising in me. Although not of fear, of gentle understanding. As I lay there, I proceeded to die, and something profound happened at the point. A very interesting shift in consciousness. Upon my death, I realized that although the body has died, my being was still alive, aware, and woke. I couldn't quite put a feeling or wrap my mind around this experience as I observed my body there. So I got up and decided to go purge (felt it coming when I was seeing the entities). I walked out side, feeling massive, expansive, and big (a feeling generally associated with all my trips). I call it the walking spirit. Anyway, I walked outside and spread my legs and heaved over the side of the parking lot. Then the purge came. Relatively easy purge this time, poured out with ease and minimal discomfort (lasted about 2 min). What was interesting again was, within my puke, I see again, swirling dark and hellish entities in my contents. Looked at them for a bit, but didn't pay too much attention and went back inside.

purging dark entities and negative energy

As I sat there inside, center of the studio, I begin to ponder again about the death experience and couldn't quite put a finger on what had happened, that deep understanding. Then I realized, Mother Ayahuasca was showing me our true Buddha nature, the Godhead, Enlightenment. That you are what you seek, that you are the Buddha. It's in all of us. We are that single cosmic entity, the timeless eternal imperishable being. And all things happen within me. That we are THAT. This feeling or being was somewhat slightly different from my usual cosmic expansive self, it was less aggressive and by far more subtle. And it persisted for about an hour or so. I honestly thought it was going to last this time, regardless it has made me more situated in what Buddhist called emptiness. From the unmanifest, the formless, arises all form. And that we are the totality of it all (we are the universe). That as we cast away our bodies, we continue to exist. It is the truth to what Ramana Maharashi and the Hindus call the Self, that we are God himself. A deep acknowledgement of that presence was felt this time, although it has subsided quite a bit as I write this. The teaching is still there. Your body will take care of itself (our karmas). You are not that which exist is in this world, but the world exists within YOU.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed the read. I'll share future journeys on truths, insight, and wisdom I've learned from my experience.

https://www.meetup.com/AyahuascaDTLA/events/244963439/

Ayahuasca Journey 7: Abiding in Silence and an Encounter with Her

🕒 5 MINUTE READ

Saturday October 14th, 2017 8PM
I'll keep this entry relatively short, broken down by highlights of the 1st and 2nd dose experiences.

Participants: Jarvis (the shaman), May (the assistant), Nancy (Hispanic in her 20s), Jack (Caucasian in his 20s), and Erika (Black in her late 30s).

1st Dose
Being that this was my 7th ceremony, by now I've had quite a bit of experience with Ayahuasca under my belt. So I knew what to expect and have begun to see a pattern with my trips. After taking my first dose, I went ahead and meditated in full lotus posture. I've gotten pretty familiar with the close-eyed visual world by now so it was not chaotic at all. As it kicked in, I pretty much got past the initial onset with ease, the first wave. Then came the second wave. This trip was not visually intensive opened or closed eye. But instead, I got a powerful feeling charging through my body. The feeling of the Ayahuasca life force surging through my veins with a heightened sense of awareness and feeling of expansive super consciousness. This was a feeling I've gotten to familiarize with over the course of my previous trips. Only this time, I skipped past the first wave relatively quickly and got into this state pretty fast. The state of feeling expansive and existing as spirit.

So I went outside to chill where Jarvis and May were having a discussion. For the next hour or two, I pretty much basked in this state of a silent mind and was hyper aware. Pure awareness. My eyes and being felt highly radiant. Over time, it slowly wore off and I began to feel normal again. Then I joined in on the conversation with Jarvis and May. So nothing too crazy to report here just a immense feeling of beingness. The purge this time was awful, the next one would be worse.

2nd Dose
After some time passed, Jarvis suggested I take another dose. I had all the time to kill so I said sure why not. Jarvis gave me a BIG dose. As I was sitting outside, the 2nd dose began to kick in. My body temperature dropped and I began to feel very cold. Starting to feel chilly and delirious, I retreated inside without uttering a word to Jarvis or May. The dose may have been too strong and I was not feeling well at all. I was very nauseous and cold. Inside, I sat in front of the center piece plant and tried to hold myself together, completely disoriented and feeling uncomfortable.

Suddenly, out of no where, open eyed, I saw a flash of what looked like data streaming in mid air. Some going up and down in a vertical fashion and left to right horizontally. Bright yellow and white divine colored data strips crisscrossing and strobbing before me as it panned from left to right. A yellow matrix. And guess what, underneath it all was a female entity behind sorting and organizing the data. Like some kind of information highway. She made herself known to me, but not fully known. It was as if she was implying to me, I see you, you're not supposed to be here, but I'm aware you're accessing our realm. She phased in and out, and in and out behind the streams of white-yellowish data. Although she had two eyes, she definitely didn't seem human. I  assume a higher intelligence of some sort, or perhaps I'm just tripping balls. Could be Mother Aya behind the veil, who knows? Or I have one hell of an imagination. As quick as she appeared, she vanished.

Still tripping, I went back to my mattress and huddled up freezing. My body temperature had dropped a bit. Finally, the nauseous and cold was too much to bear and I mustered up the focus to get up and go outside to grab my sleeping bag. I regretted not bringing it in thinking I wasn't going to floor it this time. So I stepped outside, went to the edge of the parking lot, and purged even harder than the first dose. Man this time it was rough, almost got it on myself. This purge lasted much longer, maybe 3 to 5 minutes and was the worst purge of all my trips. Once that was done, I went back to my mat with my sleeping bag and snuggled up in fetus position until I sobered up. Very little closed eye visuals. Once I was normal again, I went to Jarvis and May to report what I saw. This was by far more interesting than my first dose. Whoever or whatever she was, definitely was not of this world. I would say this is my first encounter with an unknown entity. With my 2nd journey, the open eyed visuals seemed more like "visions". This one seemed more like contact with another being.

https://www.meetup.com/AyahuascaDTLA/events/244047258/

Ayahuasca Journey 6: The Temptress

🕒 8 MINUTE READ

Saturday September 16th, 2017
This particular event was by far the most interesting in regards to vibe. Not so much on the visuals and the trip, but the people and the energy. We had a group of 13 and it was the second time I brought a friend. There was a lot of positive energy and laughter among the group. So here we go...

Participants: Jarvis (the shaman), May (assistant), John (Caucasian early 30s), my friend Danny (Vietnamese Mid 30s), Andor, Erika (Black in her late 30s), a young recovering heroin addict, two guys in their early 20s from Latin America, Steven (Caucasian early 40s), Blondie (Caucasian mid 30s)

Initially the group gathered and got situated and settled. There was 13 people in the studio, the most we've ever had. One corner, there was a bunch of dudes and Jarvis felt the energy was off in that area so shifted folks around. We were waiting on two stragglers, the recovering heroin addict and my friend Danny who was running late. This would be his first time. When they both finally arrived, Jarvis handed out the shots and gave his general orientation. Danny had brought in a huge blow up bed that elevated him above everyone else. It was quite funny to see.

1st Dose
As usual, I took my dose and proceeded to sit half lotus. I took one last glance at all the people in the room and went into meditation. About 30 minutes, I started getting my inner world visuals but they were not very memorable. I do recall seeing chakra colors surface regularly. Not too long after, I decided to open my eyes and relax to look around. The color of the room was very different this time. It wasn't the usual purplish cosmic looking color. Instead, there was an orange yellowish hue that made the room seem relatively warm and easy going. To my left, I looked at my buddy Danny and I could tell he was definitely feeling it, so I left him alone.

As the Ayahuasca second wave started kicking in, I began to feel the cosmic energy life force surging through me again. I couldn't help myself but to stretch and flex. It just felt like the natural thing to do. My arms were wide and spread, chest puffed, and just feeling super energetic and light like a spirit. So I decided to go outside since I was feeling expansive. As soon as I stepped outside, John who was sitting in front of the gate suddenly felt the chills and intensity as I came out. He was like "Whoa what's going on here, as soon as you stepped out, I just got all tense." We had a little chat about it and I was amazed at the fact that he could pick up on or feel that energy presence. That was really interesting. We all hung outside for quite some time with various participants coming in and out to have a brief chat about their experiences.

Like my 4th journey when I was with May, mid conversation I would feel surges of energy where my arms would expand on it's own and I'd get into a flex or stretched state. It was as if Mother Aya was channeling her energy through me. It was pretty weird as the other participants looked on. I would drop in deep silence and feel this expansive ball of energy in me and they would pick up on it. I was radiating Ayahuasca energy.

After staying outside for a bit, I decided to check up on my friend Danny. He definitely was tripping and was pretty confused and disoriented like my first time. At one point, I had asked him to describe what he felt, and he happened to stumble over some words that rolled of his tongue in his description. From that, I felt his energy and burst into hysterical laughter. That moment, a laughter bomb took off and May, who was in the center of the room started laughing too. Seconds later, the whole room, all 13 people were laughing in joy and having a blast. This would happen again not too long after. At one point during the night, Danny expressed how good it felt to exist! Amen to that my brother.

I did have a visual encounter in my purge this time around. When it was time, I stepped outside to the edge of the parking lot, went ahead and had a normal purge. After puking, I noticed dark entities or energies. Superimposed over the wall and floor, was an image of the inside of subway train. Sitting on one of the seats was a creepy fat man in his 40s wearing glasses. Next to him was a little girl. It seemed like he had intention to molest her, I immediately recognized him as a pedophile. Come to think of it now, he looked a lot like pedophile I encountered in court years ago where I found a way to excuse myself from the case as a juror. Then I shifted my attention to the little girl. Guess what, it was the same one with the pink dress with the monster face I mentioned in journey four. Not feeling too comfortable with these darker images, I went back inside. Perhaps, Mother Aya showing me justice was never served.

2nd Dose
About 2-3 hours into our first shot, it was time for the 2nd shot. I went ahead and took it and proceeded into my meditative state in the center of the room. As it kicked in, my close eyed visuals began. This time it wasn't the "cool dudes", it wasn't the little demon girl, but a new character showed up in mind. It was a very sexual seductive temptress. As I saw this beautiful naked girl dance before my mind, I actually tried to make her go away. It reminded me of the Buddha's story with Mara's daughters. How Mara tempted the Buddha with his three daughters but the Buddha was not phased by the distraction in his meditation. So I thought this was a test on my path to liberation. Focused on my breath, I was able to ignore her and she disappeared. Then I proceeded to open my eyes, and you know what, she was there again. Dancing seductively and tempting me in between the plastic centerpiece tree. She was to stick with me for most of the night. It's possible she appeared as a result of my effort in approaching 60 days of celibacy, but who knows.

During the trip, I would have these peak braingasms in my mind where light was concentrated in my forehead with rainbow colors. And at the very peak and edges where the light was the brightest in the center, hanging on the edges next to the light was the temptress, smiling, winking, and looking damn hot. She just would not leave me alone that night, it was strange. It was lust staring at my face while I was attempting to be spiritual. Quite the inner turmoil.

I then got out of full lotus because I mindfully wanted to give others the opportunity to sit in front of the candles. Behind me, aligned to me, was May performing yoga postures. Next up, was John to sit there and meditate. May continued to stay behind aligned and I decided to meditate on the opposite side of John. Still feeling the Ayahuasca power surge from the second dose and feeling uplifted, I sat there humming and singing the song Jarvis was playing (Deva Premal - Moola Mantra, my favorite). One of the guys from Latin America was tripping out in that area. Later he mentioned to me, he was going through the hell realm until he felt my presence in the back of the room when I was singing and channeling Aya's energy. He said I pulled him out of the hell realm, which he was thankful for. That was really interesting to hear.

After this, I went back to my spot, I was in such joy and happiness. Singing and just having fun. For some reason, I burst out in hysterical laughter, and once again, triggered a chain reaction across the room. I even bellowed like a monkey as I did on my fourth journey. The whole room thought it was funny and burst into laughter. We had a laughing bout for five minutes. I guess I have an infectious laugh. Danny mentioned that the whole room felt like it was vibrating when everyone was laughing. That was pretty cool.

Other than that, really fun night with a lot of interesting people and interactions. We got to hear about each other's experiences and recollect the various events that occurred throughout the night. The overall feeling across the group was highly positive. Everyone's positive energy feeding off of one another.

I had no death experience this time around. I wouldn't feel death again until journey eight.

https://www.meetup.com/AyahuascaDTLA/events/243259762/

Ayahuasca Journey 5: The Angry Dude Pounding On My Head

🕒 4 MINUTE READ

Friday September 1st, 2017
Really not to much to report here. This was by far my worst journey. No feelings of cosmic consciousness. For some reason, the energy was low that day and the medicine was weak. Even though, I took four doses. This was my first time bringing a friend. Most of my other friends and family are scared of the ego death, purging, and just loss of control. I guess it's just not their time yet. When Mother Aya calls for you, she calls.

Quoting from a comment I found online:

"Thank you so much for this amazing article. I honor you in every way possible. You worked hard and dedicate yourself for an amazing journey. When we improve ourselves we help the world and when we help others we help ourselves. What an exemple to the world and to us women to empower ourselves and take our power back by learn with mother aya. I have been called many times, but my fear is bigger than my curiosity. I love to grow and learn. I have tried many things but because of the shadow and entities I have heard of i just can make the commitment to meet her. Would love to hear from you on that so I can take courage to experience the duality and illusion of life. Blessings to you sister. Remember the world would not be the same without you. Namaste" -Adriane

"Adriane, thank you with my whole heart. That is so kind of you to say. And you know, fear is a best friend to us sometimes. It keeps us away from things our soul is not ready for. When you feel the calling and it's just a wee bit louder than the dial of your fear, you know it's Time. And that's perfect. Every time I drank, I did so with horrifying fear, in varying degrees. But that didn't stop the seeking. And I did indeed learn to love that fear to pieces. But you trust your instincts and you always know best. If you would ever like to go deeper into this, I would be honored. I'm always here if that voice gets louder :)"

Participants: Jarvis (the shaman), May (assistant), Homeless man from New York in his 50s, British woman in her late 30s, and my friend Lim (Cambodian in his mid 30s).

1st Dose
Took my first dose and got into half lotus meditation. As the visuals kicked in, what was different this time was that I was meditating in a eyes half opened state. With my eyes slightly open, I was able to see the outer world with calm serenity. However, with my inner world, there was more chaos. Regardless, I sat there in meditative observance. I kept seeing hands reaching into my brain, lots of hands. And at one point, one of the "cool dudes" (the nickname I give my psychedelic visual friends from my first trip) got pissed off and kept pounding my head. He was in a fit of rage. Personally, I have not gotten angry in a very long time. Earlier that week though, I did have an encounter with someone on the road who honked at me for making a rolling stop while turning right. Although I wasn't exactly pissed off, annoyingly, I had rolled down the window and expressed my frustration as to why he was honking, considering that I did not turn into his lane. We got into a little spat over whether or not there was a stop sign, which I later found there was. So I was wrong. Can't trust the mind.

Anyway, back to my visual, as I looked at this angry bearded man with shades who kept pounding on my head with anger, I decided to send him love and he dissipated into rose petals in my mind. Since this occurred, I haven't really been seeing the "cool dudes" anymore in my subsequent trips. It makes me wonder if they are some expression of my psyche or subconscious.

Not too long after that, most of my visuals subsided and I wasn't really feeling the Ayahuasca. There was no 2nd wave either. So I went ahead and reached out to Jarvis to take my 2nd dose slightly earlier than usual.

2nd & 3rd Dose
After taking my 2nd and 3rd dose, the effects were still weak. The energy was just not there that night. No magical universe imposed over the studio. Everything was just dull and quite ordinary. I didn't have any visuals nor did I have any death experiences. I just felt really nauseous. Granted that the night was still young, I went ahead and took my fourth dose.

4th Dose
Finally, after the fourth dose, some affects started kicking in. I went outside to chill and laid on a mat outside on the concrete. The floor of the concrete was definitely alive and moving in waves. Aside from that, that was the extent of my visuals.

Maybe I shouldn't even have written this entry. It was a bit of a waste of read. I will tell you though, couple weeks later, I encountered the same scenario I mentioned above. I got honked at for a rolling stop turning into my right lane, however not into the other driver's lane. I proceeded to roll down the window to ask him what he was honking at and he mentioned my fault. This time without annoyance or frustration, I just acknowledged what he said and said "Got it, sorry." Guess I'm learning how to channel my inner zen.

Don't let the behavior of other's destroy your inner peace. -Daila Lama


https://www.meetup.com/AyahuascaDTLA/events/242878020/

Ayahuasca Journey 4: Past Life Flashback and Samadhi

🕒 9 MINUTE READ

Friday August 25th, 2017 8PM
As usual, I got to the ceremony at around 8 and proceeded with my first dose. There were four key experiences to highlight this journey, all very unique in its own way.

Participants: Jarvis (the shaman), May (the assistant), Adelita (older Hispanic lady), and Adelita's Father

1st Dose
I got into half lotus seated position and began meditating. I noticed that by meditating into the initial wave, I had more control of my mind and the inner world visuals would be less chaotic. It helped with the initial nausea as well. As the first dose kicked in, the usual onset of colors, lines, and fractals commenced. The "cool dudes" in my previous trip came to visit me again. They don't stop appearing until I had an incident with one of them with my fifth journey, the next trip. There were two new characters that showed up in my closed eye visuals this time. The first one was the silhouette and outline of an old shamanistic native looking grandma. She was calm and peaceful. The second one by far more interesting, was a little girl with a monster head. She had the body of a little girl in a cute pink dress but had the face of a demon. Her demeanor was bratty, aggressive, and wanted attention. I have encountered this entity in my lucid dreams before but I'm not sure what's her purpose. Go ahead and google images of "little girl with demon face" or use your imagination. But I'll tell you, she definitely is not pleasant to look at. Regardless, she's been rather harmless despite her appearance. She would be a reoccurring character in my sixth and eight journey. As usual, I abide as the witness and observe them without judgement.

I had a strange interaction with the "cool dudes" this time. In my closed eye visuals, they encouraged me to die. They would tell me to die, and I would go through the process and come back alive. Then I would see them giggling, laughing, hands over their mouths, and mocking my death. Almost implying to me "See, we told you so, you die and you'll come back." That death is not final, but almost some sort of cosmic joke. My death experiences during this trip were far more gentler and serene than what I felt during my first trip where it was more violent and fear based. I guess I'm learning how to let go and die more peacefully.

Given that I was more in control this trip and was not delirious or confused, when it was time to take the 2nd dose, I went ahead without hesitation.

2nd Dose
After taking my 2nd dose, I decided to go meditate in the center of the room in front of the burning candles and fake plant centerpiece. There I sat in full lotus and as mentioned above, I went through another gentle death process that the "cool dudes" guided me through. As I sat there after reestablishing myself from the simulated death process, I felt a sudden surge of energy building up in my core, my solar plexus. It was building and building and my breath automatically got deeper and deeper. Very meditative. I started breathing heavily, as if my breath was a taking on a life of its own. It was very autonomous. Then at some point, Mother Aya completely took control almost as if she possessed my body. I got up with my hands spread and feeling super expansive. The energy that I felt earlier in my core began to rise from my gut and out of my mouth. All of a sudden, a huge "OM" burst forth out of my mouth with my head tilted back and my arms raised high in the air. I felt like a huge expansive tree with my branches extending and reaching out into the cosmos while vibrations were emanating from the core of my being and out of my mouth. At the pinnacle of my roar, my consciousness was gone for that split second and then I was back. As I exhaled the last remnants of the vibrations, I felt negative energy leaving my breath. After that, the first thing I said was "What the fuck was that?!" and started laughing my ass off. May, who happened to be lying on the side with her head towards the center, heard me and also began laughing with me. Both of us knew, something crazy just happened. It was such an unbelievable feeling of release and was such a remarkable event.

I was in my spirit mode, my cosmic state, the feeling of Ayahuasca power. It was a tad disorienting, as if the immensity of that consciousness couldn't be contained in my body. Anyway, both of us were feeling quite awesome now. We both decided to go outside to sit in the parking lot to hang out and chat. While sitting there next to each other on the floor, I had another vision flash before me. It was May and I, both monkeys on a savanna under a tree fending off hyenas. Instinctively, I suppose to scare off the hyenas, I just started bellowing out in the parking lot and she started making monkey noises too. It was hilarious and we were having the time of our lives. Perhaps we knew each other once as monkeys in our past lives, maybe some sort of soul mate? This would be my first past life flash back I've ever experienced.

As we chatted outside, I would get random surges of Ayahuasca energy overtaking me. I'd drop in silence midway during conversations and feeling such life force flowing through my body. It was a very intense cosmic expansive feeling that made my whole being flex with power and energy. A feeling that you and the universe are one, cosmic consciousness. A heightened level of awareness. As we were coming down, we got on top of the roof of her jeep, laid there and chatted. May was kind enough to give me a massage while I was still feeling the effects of Ayahuasca. During the massage, I saw a closed eye vision of a huge pristine white ivory divine palace. Not sure where it was from, but it sure was beautiful and majestic.

As we sobered up, Jarvis came outside and we discussed my feeling of cosmic consciousness. Then the idea was thrown out to take a third dose. This would be May and my first time taking three doses.

3rd Dose
Both of us took a smaller dose for our third. The dose was small enough where it did not overwhelm us like it did the first two. While on Ayahuasca, May went to the center of the studio to perform yoga asanas. She mentioned Ayahuasca made her more flexible and she felt more grounded performing yoga with Ayahuasca in her system. As I laid there in the center watching her, here and there I'd have peak minor braingasms. These are tiny surges of energy I feel on the forehead of my brain where I'd see white light and the chakra colors. Each time, this happened, I'd exhale some sort of energy (prana) that felt negative leaving my being.

Now to my next experience, a very peculiar one. As I laid there flat on my stomach still watching her perform yoga postures, I went ahead and grabbed a bottle of water in my hands. Looking at this bottle of water in my hands, I began to feel immense gratitude and thankfulness that the universe has combined various elements to put this object together. This little plastic container holding a small amount of water to quench my thirst. And then it happened. While staring at the bottle of water, suddenly everything went pitch black. I was gone, I disappeared as in deep sleep. The bottle, my surroundings, sound, all my senses, gone. Vanished. I don't know how many seconds passed by but then I reappeared with everything still there with my eyes open as I were before it went black. Then I immediately realized, it was a certain state of samadhi, a state of non-being. Perhaps the 7th jhana or 8th jhana. Very very cool experience. A glimpse of non-duality.

samadhi: 7th through 9th jhana

However, despite having these experiences on Ayahuasca, I'm learning that these states do not last. Ayahuasca is like meditation on steroids. It gives you a glimpse of what meditative masters have achieved without the hours of practice they've gone through. Although, it is easier for the masters to achieve such states as a result of their practice without relying on anything but their own being. So traditionally, they don't recommend anything external on the path.

At the very end of this journey, I sat in pure bliss, no thoughts for almost three hours. I just sat there until the sun came up. During this time, a block away from our lot, I saw a flash of sparkles glittering across the top of a tree. It was magical.

Thank you Divine Mother Ayahuasca.

https://www.meetup.com/AyahuascaDTLA/events/242701370/

Ayahuasca Journey 3: The Observer and Observed are One

🕒 7 MINUTE READ 

Friday August 18th, 2017
Having just died on journey one and getting a glimpse of the divine light. Then came journey two, where I experienced a flash of GOD. I had to come back for this third journey to validate what I went through was legit. I wanted to confirm that my experience was not a mistake and that I could consistently reproduce it with Ayahuasca. So that I could be certain of what I had felt. This would be the journey where I'd discover, becoming one with the cosmos. The Shiva Being.

Participants: Jarvis (the shaman), John (the assistant), May, Shiv (Indian in his early 30s), Carlos (Hispanic in his late 30s), and Flor (Hispanic woman in her late 30s).

First Dose
I don't really recollect the initial onset of this first dose. I do recall that this was the first time I got into half lotus meditative posture while waiting for Ayahuasca to kick in. At some point, it kicked in, I went ahead and laid down on my stomach. From what I vaguely recall, the initial visuals were similar to journey one and two. One very interesting feeling I recall in this trip was the experience of what I call mini "time-gaps". These time-gaps were a very a strange feeling and phenomenon. Each time one of these gaps occurred, I would feel life and time would pause for two to three seconds. I'd hear a strange squiggly noise in the center of my brain and feel a strange sensation at the bottom of my spine. Every time I heard the squiggly noise, time would stop, then resume. It was weird as fuck, and it happened a couple of times. Forgetting how long I was in this state, at some point I got up to purge in the restroom.

Being in the restroom, it felt very strange, very fake. Like some strange gimmick out of place in the middle of the universe. Anyway, I puked my guts out into to the toilet and remembered looking into the bowl, feeling a strange presence of GOD. But this was not it. This was more subtle and not as pronounced as my flash in journey two. I then proceeded with purging out the other end. Sitting there on the toilet with the lights on seeing sparkles in space and the floor moving, I started to notice the light got brighter and brighter. As I sat there taking a shit, dumping my innards out, suddenly that bright light started swelling up within me and began to expand. It was the divine light again, and this time it was expanding alongside with my awareness. I was completely dumbfounded and awestruck as this light energy surged and exploded in my mind completely overtaking my ego and becoming pure awareness. I had found GOD again with my pants down taking a shit! Confident that this was indeed the experience of the divine again, I was in sheer bliss and awe. Sitting there, suddenly I recalled to be mindful of others who need to use the restroom. I had lost track of how long I was in there.

As I walked out, I noticed something was very different about my being. Something I've never felt before. My body felt extremely light and also quite big. I was a larger expansive version of my self, with the dead weight of my body completely being lifted. I looked at my hands, they were like massive holographic hands, way longer than usual. The very perception of my being has been scaled up.

Everything felt like an illusion. So this is what the Buddhist call Samsara, or the Hindus call Maya. That our reality is in fact an illusion. As I walked, I felt like an immense being, some sort of walking spirit. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, but it felt good and confident, as if this was the real me, standing tall and proud. Our true nature, to abide as the essence of spirit.

In this state I decided to sit down in front of the centerpiece of the studio to meditate. I sat in full lotus with relative ease, there was no pain or discomfort as there normally is when sober. As I sat there and meditated, I started to achieve single pointed concentration. At the peak of my meditation, there was perfect stillness and I became "the witness". I was the witness, watching my body and all happenings occur within me. It was like I was frozen time, yet I could still see people walking around my body. I had become the observer, watching myself in 3rd person. This was definitely some state of Samadhi. As I shifted my attention back to that which was being observed, at that moment, the observer and observed became one. Oneness, the non-dual state. There were no thoughts or feelings, just pure perception and pure awareness. Everything was complete.

As I sat there, another interesting phenomenon began to occur. Since I was abiding as the observer, I watched my body get up, grab my keys, go to my car, get a jacket, put it on, and stand outside the parking lot. I realized, what I had just perceived was that fact that I am no longer the actor. That free will is really an illusion. When you are in the state of the observer, all happenings and phenomenon continue to occur without your conscious initiative to take action. This was truly a profound realization. After this understanding, I slowly began to regain conscious control of my body. However, reflecting back on this, it almost seemed as if Ayahuasca took control of my body and that it was moving on its own. However, that was not the case. Ayahuasca simply allowed me to identify as the observer and it showed me, that a higher power continues to animate our very beings. This is true surrender. This is the natural unfolding of cause and effect, our karmas. If we are not who we take our selves to be as a body, then abiding as the observer, there lies the imperishable timeless being, that which is never born and can never die. This is where true peace lies, in the eye of the storm.

From my various Ayahuasca trips, there seems to be various stages of consciousness that can be described. From lowest to highest:

1. Unconsciousness, deep or dreamless sleep
2. Unawareness, not self aware, like some lower animal forms
3. Self aware, but in the deluded state, mistaken to be the ego, thoughts, feelings, and the body
4. Awake or aware, deep understanding that you are not the ego nor the body, but instead always mindful and abiding in the present, the current moment
5. Observer or the witness, identification with pure awareness, that which perceives the body, thought, and all waking phenomenon. A clear demarcation from all happenings. That you, abiding as the witness is not affected, cannot be touched
6. Being state, oneness with the universe, to become the totality, the observed and observer become one, there's no longer a separation of the observer (the subject) and the observed (the object). Non duality. That demarcation is merged. Yoga, union with the divine
7. And finally the non being state, emptiness, unmanifest, turiya, nirvana, pure consciousness, the source

This was a deep and profound trip. More of my third journey experience could also be found in Journey 9. There were a lot of similarities between the two.

https://www.meetup.com/AyahuascaDTLA/events/242525631/